[click]
I haven't put all too much thought into the upcoming release of results. Every time it enters my mind, I feel nervous and queasy, and hence I distract myself with thoughts of my trip and of planned outings to relieve myself of inevitable stress. I suppose leaving on the day the ATAR is released is a tactic of a double-edged nature. Whilst I may have time to absorb and come to terms with my own disappointment without the additional pressures of my parents, it may potentially be so devastating that it could impact my entire trip. ><;; I hope I am wrong.
*sigh* With four days until I gourge on delicious Japanese food and inflate my body, I'm slightly disappointed with my lack of motivation to adhere to a stringent exercise and diet regime. Yes, I've managed an hour a day minimum on the treadmill. Yes, I do not snack, and only eat lunch and dinner, breakfast being milk and honey. Yes, I attempted to work off the enormous consumption of energy at Sam's party by doing 2hours of exercise yesterday. Yet, I feel as if my meal portions are starting to increase. I'm displeased with my lack of discipline. Although I could once say "I'll just work it off" and treadmill more, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to drag my large behind to the exercise machine. I am frustrated by how much I have tried, and how little result it has yielded. I do not deny that there has been an improvement, yet it seems as if I'll never look the way I want to look. I always look and feel awkwardly bulky. Clothes, on the most part, seem to accentuate what I perceive to be my flaws rather than flatter what ever "good" physical qualities I have.
Bleh. I do not want to return to my original form in the next month. I have worked intensely hard, possibly even harder than I had for the HSC [which is rather shameful to say], and I do not want my hard work to be wasted.
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY SAM & MELON <3
Yesterday night was Sam's 18th party as well as Melon's birthday. ^^ It was an awesome night of delicious food, drinks and terribly corny music XD The cake and pavlova was divine! I felt nostalgic, warm and fuzzy seeing everyone from HGHS again <3 I hope the birthday girls had as mind-blowingly hectic a time as I did [mind blowing because I've not had much to stimulate this rather slow and incompetent brain of mine].
Miffy, Olivia and I had coffee in the morning at Thyme Square Cafe near HGHS. It was relaxing and I really enjoyed the company of these two. The chai latte I ordered was divine and the atmosphere of the cafe was cosy. We had a very thought provoking D&M ^^
Afterwards, I met with Jasmine, Lelan and Ming at Borders out of pure boredom. We bumped into Rahini and spent an hour reading a dirty joke book XD I then shopped around with Ming, but restrained myself from spending seeing as I could better allocate my resources in Asiaaaaa [there's one week until I leave!!]
9/12/09
Roz and I FINALLY went to Lindt Cafe, after pining for rich chocolate desserts all year. We met late in the morning, as both of us are more inclined to stay up late, and had a lunch of sorts at the cafe's Darling Harbour branch.
The waffle and iced mocha we shared between us proved to be far more filling than expected.
We then went shopping around the city. I managed to snag a $5 pair of sunnies and Roz managed to buy a pair of flats and a cute party dress for $25 total! =DD It was a very satisfying day. Roz and I plan to meet for Lindt every 9th of December from now onwards! XD
Upcoming plans are few, but are enough to keep me content and my wallet from self combusting in embarrassment for its lack of filling. I'm to have coffee tomorrow and to lose my Lindt Cafe virginity the day after. I've a dinner planned sometime within the next two weeks. I feel as if I've spent my life savings, and I've yet to leave the country! ><;
I've watched some new dramas:



---
I’m loud.
I’m obnoxious.
I’m sarcastic.
I’m cocky.
I cry easily.
I have a bad temper.
For the most part, I don’t like people.
I’m easy to get along with.
I like to fight.
I have more enemies than friends.
I’ve smoked.
I’ve smoked weed.
I drink coffee.
I clean my room daily.
My Appearance
I’m shorter than 5’5.
I wear makeup.
I wear a piece of jewlery at all times.
I wear contacts.
I wear glasses.
I’ve had braces.
I have braces.
I change my hair color often.
I straighten my hair often.
My ears are pierced.
I have small feet.
Relationships
I’m in a relationship now.
I’m single.
I’m crushin’.
I’ve missed an ex before.
I’m always scared of being hurt.
An ex has physically abused me at least once.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve been in love more than two times.
I believe in love at first sight.
I believe lust is more important than love.
Friendships
I have a best friend.
I have at least ten friends.
I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.
I’ve beaten up a friend.
I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.
I can trust at least five people with my life.
Experiences
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been on a train.
I’ve left the state/province.
Someone close to me has died passed away.
I’ve taken a taxi.
I’ve taken a city bus.
I’ve taken a school bus.
I’ve gone bungee jumping.
I’ve made a speech.
I’ve been in some sort of club.
I’ve won an award.
I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.
I’ve been in a physical fight.
Music
I listen to country.
I listen to pop.
I listen to techno
I listen to rock.
I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.
I hate the radio.
I download music.
I buy CD’s.
Television
I spend at least six hours a day watching television.
I watch soap operas daily.
I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.
I’ve seen and like The OC.
I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill.
I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model.
I’ve seen and like Popular.
I’ve seen and like House.
I’ve seen and like 24.
I’ve seen and like CSI.
I’ve seen and like Everwood.
Family Life
I get along with both of my parents.
My biological parents are still together.
I have at least one brother.
I have at least one sister.
I have at least one step brother/sister.
I have at least one half brother/sister.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I’ve ran away from my home.
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve made my parents cry.
I’ve lied to my parents.
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.
I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.
I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.
Hair
I’ve cut my hair in the past year.
I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.
I’ve been blonde.
I’ve had black.
I’ve been red.
I’ve been light brown.
I’ve been medium brown.
I’ve been brown.
I’ve had streaks.
I’ve had purple/pink.
I’ve been blue/green.
I’ve gotten my hair thinned.
I use conditioner.
I’ve used silk therapy.
I’ve used hot oil treatments.
I’ve curled my hair.
I’ve straightened my hair.
I’ve ironed my hair.
I’ve braided my hair.
I’ve had\want dreadlocks.
School
I’ve thrown something at a teacher.
I’ve yelled at a teacher.
I’ve been suspended.
I’ve had an in-school suspension.
I’ve been sent to the principal’s office.
I’ve walked out of class.
I’ve skipped an entire day of school.
I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.
I’ve failed a test. I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.
I’ve failed Art.
I’ve failed P.E.
I’ve failed Math.
I’ve failed Science.
I’ve failed another class.
A teacher has called my parents.
I’ve been caught skipping.
I’ve been on the honor roll.
I’ve been on effort honor roll
At times, I fear I am being consumed.
12912.) Orthorexia Nervosa.
blogsecret:However, I will not rest.“Orthorexia is an eating disorder similar to anorexia, though instead of an obsessive desire to lose weight, those who suffer from orthorexia have an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating. The word comes from Greek orthos, “correct or right”, plus orexis, “appetite”. In their search for dietary purity, orthorexics may become so restrictive about what they eat (for example, avoiding fatty foods, those containing preservatives, those with salt or sugar) that eventually they become as dangerously thin as an anorexic.”
I was waiting for someone to tell me that the way I endlessly count calories and follow my diet perfectly is just not healthy. Instead they identify it as an eating disorder.
I cannot believe Gong Li is 43 years old!! If I were to be half as hot as her when I reach that tender age, I will be more than content. If I were to be able to achieve her body shape NOW, I'd be ecstatic.
NEVER BE SATISFIED. ALWAYS EXERCISE.
I fucking hate how I ate and have yet to exercise today. I hate my bulky arms, my thick calves, my bloated stomach and my GENERALLY FAT SELF. I am short. Why can I not be petite as well? URGH.
TEN WHATS:
1. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up?:
What? A phone call for me? [it was Roz, hehe XD]
2. What did you do last night?:
Gained weight ='[ I spent the night sitting at the computer, as per usual. Terrible. ><
3. What is the most important part of your life right now?:
My friends, my future, and looking skinny. It sounds horribly vain, does it not?
4. What would you rather be doing right now?:
LOSING weight. Hopefully this heat is making my body work harder to keep cool, leading to increased cnsumptio of energy and weight loss. Ha!
5. What did you last cry over?:
I cannot remember.
6. What always makes you feel better when you're upset?:
My friends. Always.
7. What are your plans tomorrow?:
Suriving this heat. I cannot be more ECSTATIC about going to Japan and HK this summer.
9. What are you worried about?:
My future. My pride.
10. What are you looking forward to most in this week?:
Formal, afters, and my first ever sleepover at Kammy's =D
NINE HAVE-YOU-EVERS:
1. Have you ever liked someone with a girlfriend/boyfriend?:
No.
2. Have you ever had your heart broken?
No.
3. Have you ever played on a sports team?:
Does playing sport in PE qualify?
4. Have you ever been out of the country?:
Yes, and I will be soon!! =D
6. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?:
Yes >=[ [lol no.5 is missing]
7. Have you ever had the cops called on you?:
No 0=]
8. Have you ever dated someone younger then you?:
No.
9. Have you ever read an entire book in one day?:
Yep.
EIGHT WHOS:
1. Who was the last person you saw?:
Mum. Or dad. I think it was mum.
2. Who was the last person you hugged?:
Sahh <3
3. Who was the last person you called?:
Ellie, last night!
4. Who was the last person to call you?:
VNC, just this afternoon. =]]
5. Who was your first crush?:
Oh gosh, I can barely remember. I remember having crushes on several boys when I was young, at different stages of my very short life.
6. Who was the last person to text message you?:
Cynnie. Well, OPTUS MSG, but they aren't a person, are they?
7.Who is the last person you texted?
Nancy. REPLY!
8. Who did you last yell at?:
I cannot remember. My mum? ><;;
SEVEN WHENS:
1. When was your last shower?
Yesterday. I should probably shoer soon.
2. When did you last see your mom?
A moment ago.
3. When was your last hug?:
Yesterday!
4. When did you last dress up?:
In a costume? Lipsync?
5. When was the last time you cried?
Quite awhile ago. I cannot remember.
6. When did you last go to the movie theatre?:
OMGSH. I honestly cannot remember. It has been years.
7. When were you born?:
10 May 1992 =]
SIX WHERES:
1. Where do(es) your best friend(s) live?:
All over Sydney.
2. Where did you last go?:
To the treadmill.
3. Where did you last hang out?:
Eastwood hehe.
4. Where do you go to school?:
I don't go to school! HAHA I SOUND SO BADASS! >=]]]
5. Where is your favorite place to be?:
ASIAAA. =]]
6. Where did you sleep last night?:
In my bed, in my room, AS PER USUAL.
FIVE DO/DOES:
1. Do you like someone right now?:
Nopes.
2. Do they like you too?:
NA.
3. Do you ever wish you were someone else?:
Yes.
4. Do you know the muffin man?
Yes, the bastard. He gives me muffin tops that I cannot seem to work off, no matter how hard I try >=[[
5. Does the future scare you?:
Yes.
FOUR WHYS:
1. Why are you best friends with your best friends?:
We understand each other.
2. Why did you get a Facebook?:
It's the latest craze, yo!
3. Why did your parents give you the name you have?:
Because my dad is weir.
4. Why are you doing this survey?:
I have nothing to do.
THREE IFS:
1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?:
Fly ^^
2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?:
Sadly, I would've tried to work harder this year.
3. If you were stranded on a desert island and could bring one thing what would it be?:
A plane with a pilot to fly me out. Geez. You can't be rid of me that easily =P
TWO WOULD-YOU-EVERS:
1. Would you ever be friends with someone again, who you promised yourself you never would be because they were mean to you?:
Possibly. It would depend on circumstances.
2. Would you ever shave your head to save the person you love?:
Depends how much I love them.
ONE
1. Name a dream you wish to fulfill:
To be content with myself.
Amongst some very intense conversation [hehe XD], we polished off five or six dishes amongst the ten of us. Greedy we are, as expected of potential future lawyers. My tastebuds were particularly attracted to the Devilish Delight and the wedges =d Mmm...

---
Today, I went to the city yet again with Ellie and Annie to buy formal shoes for them. Ellie succeeded in procuring a pair of silver heels whilst Annie did not find a pair of shoes she liked enough to buy. It is unbelievable how limited a range of silver heels there are!! Instead of this neutral base colour, odd, eye-burning coloured shoes line the shelves. Hot pink and fuschia, in particular, caused most damage to my eyes.
I wore the contact lenses that came in the mail a few days ago! I must admit, they are rather uncomfortable. This is probably due to the fact that they are not correctly tailored to my eyesight. It is rather tiresome to insert and remove the lenses as well. I am unsure of whether I will wear them to the formal as intended as I look vastly different without glasses [and not necessarily in a positive way either! ><].
13/11/09
I went formal shopping with NSQ at Parramatta =D I didn't manage to find a dress, however, I bought some make up. I had my eyebrows and lip waxed. It was painful, but not as intensely painful as preconceived. NSQ then came to my house to experiment with our purchases. The results of this will remain undisclosed. She stayed for dinner and we D&Med until she had to leave ^^
14/11/09
I met with Sah for lunch/afternoon tea/drinks. We're both dieting, hence we only consumed liquids XD We had a deeply soul-cleansing conversation and purged ourselves of all the matters that had been plaguing our minds this past year.
15/11/09
I had an interview for a potential new part time job in Chatswood. It was hardly an interview; the man just told me that I would be contacted for training and will have a two week work experience period [which I will be paid for!!]. From those two weeks, I will be judged on whether I am appropriate for the position! I am excited! XDD
I've been neglecting exercise lately. I haven't been doing my 2hours. I have been preoccupied with delivering those junk letters, which I suppose gives me the opportunity to exercise, but I don't think I walk with as much intensity as I do on the treadmill. *sigh* I consumed more than I should have allowed myself to consume for dinner today as well. I am displeased with this deteriorating enthusiasm for exercise. Thus, I will now drag my ever increasing behind off this chair and rape my treadmill.
I had my hair dyed today! The colour is midway between chocolate brown and a warm golden brown. Thank you to VNC for helping me! =D
[I'm still slightly self conscious about my shoddy hair cut. However, VNC helped fix it slightly. ^^]
MUST EXERCISE MORE.
=]
I have been exercising and dieting. I have moving a lot. That is all
=]
A physical manifestation of year 11 and 12 [minus preliminary textbooks and a few exercise books]:

Overwhelmed by the amount of work...literally.
[Please excuse my odd looking shorts. This was taken at 3AM, just after I had finished filing and packing, and just before I was going to go to bed]
Today, I went to school to return some of my textbooks. I bumped into Nancy and Ellie. I didn't expect to since I'd told Nancy that due to my late night [refer to the above], I was going to arrive at school later than her.
After I returned to Eastwood, I went to the doctor for a swine flu vaccination in anticipation for my Japan/HK trip! I then went to the optometrist to have my eyes checked, however only the reception was in the clinic, so I made an appointment.
The last item on the agenda was a much needed hair cut [my fringe actually covered the entire area of my face if brushed accordingly]. This hair cut did not end well. That was an understatement. If my hair does not self rectify in the next eighteen days, I will be compelled to buy a wig. FUCKING HELL. >=[
I ate minimally throughout the day and treadmilled whilst watching Bleach upon returning home. It did little to release my anger and quell my frustration.






























































































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